LEADERSHIP AND ORGANIZATIONS PSYCHOLOGY-Luciano The Key Santini--SSDE

 I would like to start the conversation with the following wisdom from Napoleon Hill

 

  Defeat
If the thing you wish to do is right, and you believe in it, go ahead and do it! Put your dream across, and never mind what “they” say if you meet with temporary defeat, for “they,” perhaps, do not know that every failure brings with it the seed of an equivalent success.

Defeat we all have experienced it at one time or another in our lives and if you are one of the lucky ones who has not as of yet my friend you will. There will be times in your life when we all have to go through a difficult situation and then it will be how we interpret the issue or situation and how we handle it as well.

How we handle the situation will allow others to see our character of who we are and also whether we deal with anger or not. Defeat sucks and causes other issues internally. What you need to do is simply find a role model to guide you  and teach you what they know and how they understand defeat.

LEADERSHIP AND ORGANIZATIONS PSYCHOLOGY

Organizational Psychology provides knowledge and expertise in the ways individual, group and organizational factors influence organizational performance, problem solving and decision-making.

 INDIVIDUAL CHARACTERISTICS. All managers wish it was a simple task to keep all employees motivated and stress free but the question becomes what are the drivers to make this happen and what do managers or top level executives need to have a clear understanding of.

I believe them to be personality issues and culture clashes. What happen when a manager has a person from a different part of the world and the language that is spoken is not understood but misunderstood. There are clashes between the new employee and the old employees. The manager does not understand what is going on simply because they are not trained in diversity in cultures. I find that most organization will give a one or two hour PowerPoint presentation on diversity and truly believe that that will give a clear understanding and so I laugh yes!! I said I have laughed in such classes to myself of course and then the worst part is that I have to say it was a great presentation AHHHGGGGGG!!!!!

That is not diversity training it is a power point presentation and all were here because they were told to be here!!!

 

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By University Alliance

LEADERSHIP QUALITIES

• Self-assessment:  IF YOU ARE A GREAT LEADER YOU MUST BE ABLE TO ASSESS YOURSELF!! You must know and understand that though you are great at what you do you are not perfect so you must take a good look withing and figure out your shortcomings and then understand your weaknesses.Knowing your areas of weakness does not make you weak; on the contrary, it allows you to delegate to others who have those abilities, in order to achieve the common goal. Rather than clinging to the false belief that they can do it all, great leaders hire people who complement, rather than supplement, their skills. Working on your areas of weaknesses will improve your leadership ability – and recognizing them makes you more human.

 Sharp perception: Do you know how people really perceive you? Effective leaders do. They have an easy level of honest communication with their teams and their peers, and a thorough understanding of how they are perceived. Testing others’ perception of you can be as simple as observing their behavior. Are your co-workers and team members relaxed around you? Does all conversation stop when you enter the room?

If you really want to know what people think, just ask them. You may receive feedback that you’re not listening or showing appreciation as well as you could be. If you’ve established an environment of honest and open communication, you should be able to ask about your good qualities and the areas you need to improve on. Your staff will appreciate your effort.

• Responsive to the group’s needs: Being perceptive can also help a leader be more effective in knowing the needs of the team. Some teams value trust over creativity; others prefer a clear communicator to a great organizer. Building a strong team is easier when you know the values and goals of each individual, as well as what they need from you as their leader.
• Knowing the organization: Effective leaders know the organization’s overall purpose and goals, and the agreed-upon strategies to achieve these goals; they also know how their team fits into the big picture, and the part they play in helping the organization grow and thrive. Full knowledge of your organization – inside and out – is vital to becoming an effective leader.

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Do You Face A Challenge- I Do Every Day People-Luciano The Key Santini SSDE

 People of all walks of life have asked this one simple question and if you ever have this asked try to answer it the same if possible;

The question is how do you handle working with such people that do not believe in education or the future?

My answer:

 Always think of you and that you are the creator of your career and your life- that is what will keep you going and will build a protective covering strong enough to protect you from the dolts and evil ones in the workplace.

Hello all everywhere around the world!! What a weekend it has been already and yes it is only Saturday afternoon. The day started with a surprise visit from a family member and his family to congratulate me on a longtime coming achievement. Friends started to call my phone to do the same and it was a great morning and of course it has kept going all day long and yes I am a bit tired now!!!!

The achievement has been that I have completed my Doctorate after 8 long years after my Masters degree was done. Life is a challenge in itself and well it is all about how you deal with those challenges. In life they will always come our way and we as individuals will always have a different perspective on any one situation.

In business I always ask leaders what are your challenges that you face;The comments that I get sometimes really surprise me because then I say without insulting -How in the hell did you end up a leader!!! Then they tell me that the biggest challenge are the people who make the new implementations so  what leaders and managers need are new skills and or to improve interpersonal influence skills these new skills will and can really help leaders at all levels feel more confident and be able to demonstrate a bias for action and results when dealing with organizational challenges.

Every leader faces “ challenges.”   The top challenge always is and will always be people either at a staff level or at senior management level because they will make the new procedures and policies without having a clear understanding of the difficulties that will occur such as the affects of morale and employee accountability. There are other issues that may arise such as ensuring employees how to avoid problems behaviors. The most important challenge that needs to be addressed is the one that most top and senior management seems to care the least about is motivation and engagement. 

I believe the reason to be is simple really. It is because they have no idea what it is to work at this level. They simply believe to create bigger and better procedures and policies and expect lower level managers to implement  but the reality is that lower managers have no idea what to do because they were never involved in the creation of the changes thus for never really engage staff.

How can leaders address these challenges and help employees become more involved and engaged in their work?  We suggest;

• Show people they are valuable to the organization as often as possible
• Build a connection between work and priorities
• Offer the staff freedom to think outside the box
• Create a balance between direction and empathy

If you have a role as a leader you need to be aware and also realistic of the challenges you face on a day to day routine.If you are a leader then you need to be proactive to make the changes needed to move the organization forward.

If you are a leader or inspire to be one you must remember that:

A closed mind stumbles over the blessings of life without recognizing them.
To the untrained eye, a geode looks pretty much like an ordinary rock. But a trained geologist knows that inside the geode there is a beautiful crystal lining. The story is the same for those who refuse to examine new possibilities because their minds are closed. Life’s greatest opportunities, like the geode, often come in ordinary packaging. 

Do not allow yourself to become such a creature of habit that you simply go through the motions and let life happen to you. Just taking a new route to work, putting together a jigsaw puzzle, reading a newspaper instead of watching television, or visiting a museum at lunchtime will stimulate your thought processes and may help you open your mind to new possibilities

As a leader we must try to stay out of the gossip circles and yes you know exactly what I am speaking of because we spend so much time listening to the things people are saying that we rarely pay attention to the things they don't, and we need to sit back and find the courage to speak up against ignorance and injustice.

Desire for Change And Transformation For The Future-Luciano The Key Santini --SSDE

Hello and good day to all who read my blog postings. I always appreciate the comments made on my blog postings and that is what gives me more ideas to write about so thank you for all the comments.

Today I would like to talk about the feelings we go through when thing do not go our way. The frustrations one goes through when other doubt our potential not because we cannot achieve or reach our goals but because those with doubt know that we can and thus we the frustrations take over. So how does all this begin and the truth is I have no idea but what I do know is the following;

Napoleon Hill says best;

Everything you create or acquire begins in the form of desire.
In order to act, you must have a purpose. If you want to act successfully in all but the most mundane affairs, you must embrace that purpose with a burning desire. Many people think they want to be successful, but since they do not back that thought with an intense drive, they never achieve success. Cultivate your desire. Feed it with thoughts of yourself enjoying whatever it is you seek. It’s like stoking the furnace of a steam engine. You need to build up enough pressure to carry yourself over hills; if your desire doesn’t burn hotly enough, you’ll find yourself stalled and rolling backwards. The secret to action is a red-hot desire. 

So if you have someone tear down down your dreams look the other way and just go for it!! 

How may time have you or anyone you may know has gone through something like this and they have believed what they were told and they are upset and just want to give up and they talk about and at the end they give up. My friends I have seen many people go through these things and never find their potential so to you I say never ever listen to anyone who tells you to stop because it cannot be done instead ask yourself why not?

Let us talk a little about emotional intelligence;

 The topic of emotional intelligence has grown in popularity in the business world. But exactly what is it?  We all have encountered someone who is extremely smart but is unsuccessful due to poor relationship skills. At times most of us have engaged in behavior that we later regretted. Such behavior often reflects a lack of emotional intelligence (EQ).

  

Emotional intelligence, like many psychological terms has multiple definitions.  According to psychologist John Mayer who helped coin title in 1990, the scientific definition of emotional intelligence is, “the ability to accurately perceive your own and others’ emotions; to understand the signals that emotions send about relationships; and to manage your own and others’ emotions.” Simmons and Simmons defined it as, “the emotional needs, drives, and true values of a person and guides all overt behavior” (p. 11).  

Author Daniel Goleman who popularized emotional intelligence with his book of the same title described EQ as the abilities to recognize and regulate emotions in ourselves and in others, which entails: Knowing what you are feeling and being able to handle those feelings without having them swamp you. Being able to motivate yourself to get jobs done, be creative and perform at your peak, and Sensing what others are feeling, and handling relationships effectively.  

I have question for all those who work day in and day out to accomplish any goal each and every day.

Would it be nice to have leaders who truly understand the meaning of emotional intelligence.

 
Emotional intelligence is about learning about others, understanding, and valuing the feelings of staff and others and then responding appropriately. They acknowledged that many individuals are uncomfortable with discussions about emotions – their own or those of others - and either ignore them or discount their importance.  However, failing to appreciate emotions as, a source of human energy, information, connection, and influence will likely thwart  personal and professional effectiveness thus not cool. 

I find that many leaders in many organizations fail in this department simply because they have no idea what emotional intelligence really is and means. Imagine if all leaders or managers in retail stores or in non profit organizations. 

The other is the failures that I have seen in the past and in the now with transformational change. Leaders want to implement the changes but the issue is they have no idea how to implement it and to be honest it is actually funny to watch this transpire and develop into a huge failure.

Most organizations have untold numbers of change efforts occurring at once, in all parts of the organization, large and small—all making demands on people. Employees know they are being asked or pressured to change, but they often do not know why in terms that are meaningful to them. This makes it difficult for them to personally commit to the organizational change. Leaders often experience this lack of commitment as resistance, but actually, it is simply a lack of understanding about why the changes are essential to the success of the business.
This is usually NOT an employee issue, but a leadership issue. Smart people, like the ones you have hired into your organization, commit to what they believe in. And to believe in anything, people must see its relevance and meaning. Without perceiving relevance and meaning, there is no commitment.
- See more at: http://changeleadersnetwork.com/free-resources/ten-common-mistakes-in-leading-transformation#sthash.HTvi5i6w.dpuf

Most organizations have to make changes continuously just to survive and sometimes calls for integration. So called leaders constantly making demands on people which makes it difficult from the start.The issue here is that most of the time people have no idea why the changes are taking place or why they are need all they are told is they need to be made no matter the cost.  What comes next is of course R-E-S-I-S-T-A-N-C-E

The problem is not the staff members the real issue is the leadership that is trying to implement something that they in fact have no idea what it is. The people need to know who is leading them and why and when people do not see any of that chaos!!!


The reasons why this happens is that 9 out of 10 it meant for executives only and send out the email for implementation which is then implemented on blind fury because no one knows why the changes are needed.
 
The so called leaders tell you here are the changes and here is what we have to do but fail to teach and show because they have no idea what it means to begin with.

                      Followers

Most great leaders began in the capacity of followers. They became great leaders because they were intelligent followers.

 




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WISHES IN LIFE AND BUSINESS--Luciano The Key Santini--SSDE

Good morning everyone that reads my sometimes crazy blog postings but hey I say! If I was conformed to the world I think I would be boring and just no fun so then I say never conform and what what you think is the right thing to do and then well just do it!!

Just yesterday I was talking to a friend over a cup of coffee and he said to me you know my friend I really want to be rich and I said yea me too! I asked do you have a plan and he said no. I sad well I do and I will share a portion of it with you. I have written many short stories or many saying from an old mentor who has been gone from this world for a while and yet his words ring true around the world. I seriously want you to read the following words of wisdom and yes create your own vision of what you want and how you want to get there.

Wishes
Every human being who reaches the age of understanding of the purpose of money wishes for it. Wishing will not bring riches. But desiring riches with a state of mind that becomes an obsession, then planning definite ways and means to acquire riches, and backing those plans with persistence which does not recognize failure, will bring riches. 
_________________________________________________________________________________

In business and in many organizations believe that they have been prepared for change in this world today,however I find that they are not and so when I consult companies large or small I find that they are lost. They are lost because they simply do not have a clear understanding of their vision and or mission. I have seen the visions and mission statements on walls and plaques and yes they look real nice on the wall or their desks.

 I being me I will always ask so what does that mean and wow the answers I get are daunting to my ears because they have no understanding and these guys or gals are the leaders leading the departments.

So You Call Yourself A Leader HUH!

Organizational psychology is the section of psychology that applies psychological theories and principles to organizations. Often referred to as I-O psychology, this field focuses on increasing workplace productivity and related issues such as the physical and mental well being of employees. Industrial organizational psychologists perform a wide variety of tasks, including studying worker attitudes and behavior, evaluating companies, and conducting leadership training. 

The overall goal of this field is to study and understand human behavior in the workplace. The key to all this is simple really but you have to have a clear understanding of human behavior thus UNDERSTANDING PEOPLE AND THEIR NEEDS!!!

• Employee Hiring: This area involves bringing new employees to the organization with the understanding first that people are looking for a job and second understanding their needs and how they will fit in the department and with current employees and not because they know how to fill out forms and read manuals. 
• We can teach anyone to read manuals and fill out forms and be precise but what you cannot teach is what I call OT© Luciano Santini OWN Thinking is where an individual is asked a question and he/she answer the question but not the usual conformed answer but an out of the box answer and you the interviewer has no idea where that came from and so you pass this individual for someone else who gives you the conformed answer who everyone would know and answer and because you the interviewer have been conformed you go with it  and hire that person and well six weeks later you see the same cycle and wonder why there are no changes in the department helllloooooo. 
• Performance Management: This where our fearless leaders are supposed to determine if employees are doing their jobs well.but if the leaders never get out from behind their desks and engage with employees and their clients how in the h@#$@%%@$ll are they supposed to know if their employees are doing well in there tasks.
• Organizational Development: I believe to always work on how to improve the organizations, often  through taking a good look at how processes have been and how they should be and make the changes through streamlining improving the organizational structure.

 

Let Us Talk About Your Business

 During my research I found that Our world is in constant change to the extent that most people no longer have an open mind about it. Most people want it to stop. Many organizations when they feel that they are failing they will bring someone new and begin to place new changes and when the new changes begin to fail again well it become easy to blame the staff or outside constraints such as legislature or management.

What about transformational change the results from structural equation modelling reveal that the transformational leadership style influences followers’ attributes of work engagement. The direct relationship between transformational leadership and work engagement was found to be partially mediated by employees’perceptions of meaning in work. This means that if our leaders do not engaged with the clients and the employees their perception then becomes that of not caring and not knowing.

The first transformational change is to influence, which is a leader’s ability to build loyalty and a following without thinking for their own self-interest, however I also find that most people in leadership roles have no idea how to influence rather they lead by power of position which is the worst thing that a leader can do if they want staff to follow. thus staff will not  identify with them. 

The second change is inspirational motivation, which involves a supervisor’s ability to create a vision that appeals to followers and makes them a significant part of the organization what I find here is the it is a proven fact that self motivation is one of the most difficult things to achieve and so if the leader has no self motivation and he/she is expected to make the change it becomes a daunting experience for that individual.

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Organizational Transformation and Development and Leadership-Luciano Santini

Good morning to all around the world who continue to motivate me to keep writing my articles. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I mostly enjoy reading the feedback that receive on my articles which is great because it makes me want to write every day which I would if I did not have any kids hahahahahahah!!!!!!

Part of life is managing our time to the fullest each and every day which at times can become difficult to do.

I find that sometimes we find ourselves in self pity and guess what happens we get sucked into this black hole of hell? I find that self pity can become like a drug and you can become addicted to it. Have you ever been to the doctor with a severe pain? 

I know you have at one point or another and the doctor say well you will have to take these pain pills for a while as needed to ease the pain. The pain continues and the medicine does not work anymore because you have built a tolerance for it thus you will go back to the doctor and he will prescribe a stronger medicine. The same is true with self-pity. The more you let yourself to live in it, the more you will require. 

After a while, self-pity will create a habit, one so overwhelming that it will rob you of all the potential you possess.I have found when I work one on on with someone that the issues that have caused the self pity in the first place have been problems created by the same person. I then find that after talking more about the issues the same person becomes the only person to remedy the situation.

Now let speak on Organizational Transformation what it 

means to so many out there: To me it means :

Having a  leader with a strong character who can communicate a strong new vision

 from top to bottom.

 

 

 

First let me start by saying that they are extremely costly. Transforming organizations into proactive entities reduces costs and eliminates duplication and non value-added processes, which is key to improving the bottom line and improving product and/or service delivery at the same time.I have worked in restructuring  systems and processes with  a few organizations and I have found that the issues is usually never with the vision or the mission but with the people who have no idea how to implement the procedures.

 

 I have found that you have your top management and then your lower level managers and then your supervisors who simply pass along the information and the new processes that need to take place. I find myself laughing inside when they in turn turn around and expect their staff to just have a full understanding on what to do.

One of my mentors once told me a simple way to run an operation. He said to me usually the plan is in lace and usually it is a good plan however what happens during implementation is that they (Top Management) try to re-invent the wheel and you do have to do that just make the wheel roll better-Brian Card.

 

The techniques to implement vary of course on the needs of any company at the moment but one for sure which should be a given is that employees need to have the proper training by the proper people who actually have a good understanding on the change and is able to convey that information in a way that people do not take it the wrong way such as making them feel dumb-I could have used the word incompetent but let us use simple words which I find much easier to understand myself. 

 

I will however use the word incompetent for top players in any organization and please I do not mean all top level management because I have learned from some great leaders and they are out there. 

 

The problem comes when you have a bright leader who is great in operations and creates some great ideas for change but by the time it gets to the lower managers it becomes a joke because they only read the directions but have no ideas how to implement to their staff so they pass along the procedures and directions but never follow up or pass along specifics. 

 

The other issue is of course the strategic plan and how it pertains to the rest of the company once it has been created. The alignment between the human resources department and the rest of the organization must be aligned with the end results. 

Communication with both internal and external customers however I find that it is paramount that the communication with internal customers is clear and specific and should always be the primary concern making sure the understanding of the strategic plan is understood. 

 

I have seen so many strategic plans come and go to staff and they read it and will tell you that they understand it so you can leave them alone because they know that you as the leader have no idea what it means and they know that you will not follow up and so the organization will continue into a down spiral direction until doors close and customers go elsewhere.

 

 

 Drifting, without aim or purpose, is the first cause of failure.

Without a plan for your life, it is easier to follow the course of least resistance, to go with the flow, to drift with the current with no particular destination in mind. Having a definite plan for your life greatly simplifies the process of making hundreds of daily decisions that affect your ultimate success. When you know where you want to go, you can quickly decide if your actions are moving you toward your goal or away from it. Without definite, precise goals and a plan for their achievement, each decision must be considered in a vacuum.

 Definiteness of purpose provides context and allows you to relate specific actions to your overall plan.

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Change Is Difficult When There Is No Purpose-Luciano Santini-SSDE

Hello and good day to everyone around the world who follow me and read my blog posts. It has been a great week. I have spent so much time with family and it is these times that you realize what you have really been up to in life.

I have had this vision of completing this journey for a long long time and it has finally arrived. The vision for whatever you may see in the future whether in a small business or a large organization or in life will arrive as long as you never ever give up.  

I have seen many visions statements framed on real pretty painted walls pushed on to people in fancy workshops on power points and yet something is missing. Well what most miss to provide is real guidance or worse has nothing to do with the real world and how life really works outside of the office of the so called leaders who sat for months thinking up how to write this mission statement and well it simply pisses people off.

I finally completed something special which I will announce in a month or so depending when I receive it. It was a journey in itself and it finally happened and well it has been one of those journeys that at one point I wanted to just give up on it but something inside me kept pushing me forward and to never ever quit until this journey had been completed.

It will be a surprise to many and not so much to others either way I did for me for my own satisfaction that it could be done and that I would be the first in my family to do so.

Many people will say now or in the future what a lucky guy. I have to tell you though that if working harder than a dog day and night and raising a family of four and working two jobs and nearly causing you to loose your entire family because you were never around and either on the road or on the computer studying and writing and calling and constantly in another world until my journey was completed then I guess it was luck but you can be the judge of that my friends.

I have many friends that taught me one thing including never giving up until your journey whatever that may be a small or large goal had been reached. 

 

 All enduring success is founded upon harmonious human relationships.
Most of us are incapable of “going it alone.” Whether it is in our careers, in our personal relationships, or in life, we all need others if we are to achieve the level of success we desire. Besides, what’s the point of having it all if we have no one we care about to share it? You may choose to work with others, you may ignore them, or you may choose to work against them, but the greatest successes in life come to those who work harmoniously with others. 

When your personal goals coincide with those of another, not only does the power of your combined labors benefit you, but such cooperation also creates a synergistic effect that allows you to achieve far more than the simple sum of your individual efforts. Know that friendship freely given and gratefully received is one of life’s greatest gifts. 

Last week during my special moment an old mentor of mine and I were speaking regarding change in life and in business and his response was:  

  

People are not afraid of change in business or in life they become afraid of change because they see no purpose or feel mistreated by their leaders if they are leaders.

I read that passage from Napoleon Hill above every day and it reminds me of the message that simply one alone cannot accomplish something great you just cannot in both life and business and I believe that is where so many business owners fail specially the smaller businesses but yes of course the larger ones as well due to not understanding human behaviors and relation building; they just do not get it.

A leader must understand people

 I believe that leaders in any organization sometimes get confused because of the positions they may hold and believe that simply by letting people know of any change can make it happen and well it is that easy nor is it correct for top management to believe that but they do every day. In many organizations specially in non profits organizations managers are taught to be responsive to their boss whoever that may be and guess what happens a real popular sport shows up in the offices called boss watching. 

One of the keys to develop people and to create a great office atmosphere is to catch people doing the right things and accentuate the positive at that moment and not let it come to pass!!!

 

What does this mean? Well it means that people get promoted to positions that they should never hold but it happens all the time. This does not do much for any organization because it does not accomplish their visions because the vision is one thing and the leaders do a totally different thing. At this point all promoted people do is try to protect themselves rather then move the organization in the right direction and never really help their people reach their goals.

You hold the key to life if you so choose

 I would like to elaborate a little on having a position in an organization  where the leaders operate because of their title and well it is the most recognized point as well. If you are this kind of person you believe that because your placard outside your office or the title on your business card indicates that you have the power to manage people or command resources. Ken Blanchard's dad says that the best leaders are those who have position power and never have to use it. 

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Who defines us? What defines us as individuals?

 Who defines us? What defines us as individuals?

For myself, if you remove the car I drive which is old and pretty ugly (Commuter), the place I live or the titles I hold or have held in the past, I will still be a person driven by my passion which is serving my fellow man/woman to make a positive impact in this world. I am not defined by my skills sets, titles or intellectuality, I am defined by how I utilize those tools and how I serve the world and make changes in people lives.

We all are loyal to our beliefs, aren't we? It's difficult to be understood by others when a new way of thinking comes our way  or we meet someone who challenges our norms, which we think define who we are.

Sometimes people will make mistakes and believe that this will define a person whether intentional or non-intentional it will not make difference.

 My friends here is what I have to say to all those people. People tend to like fitting other people in boxes. It probably makes it easier for them to figure out their place in society and the world even though their perceptions of others may not be as accurate. But honestly, I don't think we can truly define ourselves in a few sentences or paragraphs. Otherwise, it's pretty much just a general description that lacks depth. 

As individuals we will always come across those who are afraid of who you are as a person simply because they never give you the opportunity to know you thus will only know you partially which is sometimes if not always a mistake on them.People will always think of a person from a certain perspective whatever that might be and thus they will judge or profile. 

In the past I have held positions of power though you would have never known unless I told you about it simply because titles have never meant much to me and always have been very transparent whether as a leader or as a friend.

If you are true leader people will realize it and know it without you having to push it on them or making sure they know who you are by showing what I call positional power AGGGGAAAAGGG makes me want to gag.

 I have seen this by so many people who really are just insecure about who they are which is sad because they hold positions that can change or destroy someones life and I have seen that as well.

It is always safe to talk about others as long as you speak of their good qualities.
The old adage, “If you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything at all,” is especially valid today. In any organization, regardless of size, the rumor mill works overtime when it comes to negative gossip. And you can be sure that unkind things you say about others will very quickly find their way to them, for it is also a truism that those who talk about others to us talk about us to others.

 Not only should you not speak badly of others — you should not participate in conversations in which others do. Spend your time with those who focus on important things, and you will never have to apologize for an unkind word uttered in a moment of weakness.