Diplomacy and Fear--- What!!!!

Hello to all my followers and believers. I say it truthfully if you want to reach a goal in life  be true to who you are and never ever quit!!! Why is it that people believe that they can manipulate others? I believe that manipulation happens all the time but it happens when others allow it to happen. When people get caught doing such things they call it diplomacy. I love the word Diplomacy is a way of lying to get what you want.

 Diplomacy is a way of playing people as pawns in a game of life and to me it is a really bad way to build relationships because they are built on lies yes pretty sad when people in power positions uses diplomacy not in a good way. It also means a way as to attain one's own ends and yet avoid any unpleasantness or opposition. 

I always find that by understanding people just being able to understand people you learn so much from their facial expressions when speaking with them without ever asking any questions to probe into their life. I believe the human mind is the greatest tool ever and we all have one we just do no t use as it should be used. The mind is a powerful tool and will always be a mystery. 

A perplexity of the mind is  why some people who seem to have all the advantages — the right connections, and experience — never seem to reach their potential and have lived an unhappy life within themselves that it makes them sick with envy of others. They have a position of power while others who have had to struggle for everything they have reached incredible heights of success. It hinges on determination and being true to yourself. If you have the will to succeed, you will somehow find a way, regardless of the obstacles you encounter whether they are people who are quote unquote diplomatic and use their power of position for manipulation. 

No organization has enough experience, education, native ability, and knowledge to ensure a future, without the cooperation of their people. I find it remarkable in these times of forward technology how businesses believe that because they own it or have the money they can move forward without the help of people, I just find it amazing.I find it hurtful how when you have people who can move your company or department forward and businesses do not allow then to shine and instead hold them back because of personal issues.

These people will eventually leave or do just enough to keep their jobs safe. These type of people know when they are being pushed down and the truth is these people do not allow others to bring them down.

I have lead a few study groups where politicians have used these type of tactics on each other and the one who wins was the one that did not allow the other to bring him down.

Let us move on to FEAR and what is fear?

A very unpleasant or disturbing feeling caused by the presence or imminence of danger;

Some examples are:

1. Fear … a little like the fear of a lover who realizes that he is falling out of love —May Sarton
2. Fear … came and went like the throb of a nerve in an open tooth —James Warner Bellah
3. Fear … clutching at his heart … as if tigers were tearing him —Willa Cather
4. Fear … compressed me like a vise —Aharon Appelfeld
5. Fear fell [on crowd] like the shadow of a cloud —John Greenleaf Whittier
6. Fear … gnaws like pain —Dame Edith Sitwell
7. Fearing them as much … as a nervous child with memory filled with ghost-stories fears a dark room —W. H. Hudson
8. Fear is like a cloak which old men huddle about their love, as if to keep it warm —William Wordsworth
9. Fear … lay on me like a slab of stone —Norman Mailer
10. (In my body is a) fear like metal —Marilyn Hacker
11. The fear of failure … blew like a Siberian wind on our unprotected backs —John Le Carré

There many kinds of fears and there are many ways of conquering fear as well. If you know yourself and your mind and you can manage your emotions my friends you can beat all your fears.

It’s All About Control

Copyright 2015 Eric Barker. All Rights Reserved

When we feel in control, we’re not afraid. When we have a level of comfort with something, it’s not scary.

Anything that gives you a feeling of control over your situation helps you keep your cool.

Without a feeling of control, when stress gets high we literally can’t think straight.

Via Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long:

Amy Arnsten studies the effects of limbic system arousal on prefrontal cortex functioning. She summarized the importance of a sense of control for the brain during an interview filmed at her lab at Yale. “The loss of prefrontal function only occurs when we feel out of control. It’s the prefrontal cortex itself that is determining if we are in control or not. Even if we have the illusion that we are in control, our cognitive functions are preserved.” This perception of being in control is a major driver of behavior.

This is why fear often seems so random and irrational. And why you’re often afraid of all the wrong things.

“Face your fears.” It’s a cliche. It’s vague and unhelpful. But it’s accurate.

You need to spend time with your fears. Get closer to them. Intensify them.

Only then will you stop being afraid.

Take a second. Think about your worst fear. Maybe it’s speaking in public.

So you’re speaking in public and everyone is utterly bored by you and not paying attention.

Hold on that for a second. It stings, but stay with me. Now make your fear worse.

You’re speaking in public and you wet yourself. Everyone laughs. It’s mortifying. But spend a second there.

Now make it even worse.

The whole thing is recorded and gets 3 million views on YouTube.

Stay with it. No, you’re not going to die.

Now relax. Just follow your breathing — in and out — for a few seconds.

You’re on your way to conquering your fear.

Sound overly simple? Nope. This is exactly what’s recommended by Harvard Medical School professor, Ronald Siegel.

CHANGE

 CHANGE

Hello everyone and today I would like to talk to you regarding the biggest fear that people face today and have for ever. What is the one thing that all l businesses fear? What is the one thing that people fear in their lives? The answer may or may not surprise you and in all reality it would not really matter. The biggest fear in both sides is CHANGE! I know that most people will tell you that in fact they are not afraid of change however the truth is they are and it does not matter who you are. In business and it does not matter who you are or how big you are in the business world.

So what is it about change that really scares everyone? What is it about the thought of any change that starts the fear factor taking over the mind. You see folks it is not that change that starts up the fear factor it is your mind that the individual allows to accept fear of change that causes the fear factor to creep in.

If one person can take over their emotions and be able to control them then change can be adapted pretty easy. If we but look at the future for just one bit of can be instead of what changes are going to affect me then change will not be so difficult. I have found that any small deviation from a normal routine in a person attracts fear. I will give you an example that I believe most have experienced: Say going to work and you stop every day to buy a cup of coffee at your local cafe and all is well when suddenly you arrive and their is an unusual long line what happens to the mind at that instant?

1) If I stop I could be late

2) If I do not get my coffee I will be a mess the rest of the day

3) I wonder why it is so busy this morning -It is never this busy!! Why today!

4) Dam it do I wait or do I just go to work!!

This is what is I call in the moment thinking which is normal,however the other issue here is that you have allowed your emotions to control your thinking and therefore you are not thinking rationally.Instead think positively.

1) If  I stop I could be late but I am curious to see what is going on so I will stop to find out why the crowed.

2) Once I see what is happening I can decide whether to stay or leave and not be late.

3) I can also ask why they are so busy today perhaps they are introducing a new drink for free and I can have one.

4) Once you use the above thinking you can decide whether to stay or leave and not feel afraid or stressed but allow yourself to make a choice safely.

The one thing that most of us do not seem to understand regarding fear is that when we find ourselves in a situation whatever that may be it does not matter we have to face the fear and allow our minds to accept the change and allow our minds to see with a different point of view of what that change would look like if we allow it to happen.The issue is that we do not allow our minds to see things from a different perspective because we feel comfortable the way we see the world and sometimes my friends that is not the right way!

I have to tell you that trying to explain change can be one the most difficult things to do. It is difficult enough trying to explain changes to adults but what about children. We think that any type of change kids will adapt and not worry regarding consequences. I have heard that so many times from parents who have to make changes. Once the change has taken place comes the problems with children or young adults. Why because they were never explained why the changes were needed and whether it would have been beneficial for them the changes were forced down their throats.

How often do you see this in business environments? I see it all the time. The worst part of it is that when it is decided then it is never explained but pushed down peoples throats and when it is not understood then change never happens instead chaos sits in slowly.

Here is a great exercise to use to face your fears try it. This an exercise used by a good friend in the business of motivation and coaching executives:  Susan Baroncini-Moe

Take out a piece of paper and a pen and turn the paper on its side so you’re writing across the long side.  Make five columns on your paper.  In the first column, make a list of the things that scare you the most.  Then in the second column, for each of those fears, write down what is the absolute worst thing that could happen if your fears came true.  In the third column, write down how likely the worst thing is to happen. 

 Then in the fourth column, write down how that fear is holding you back.  In the last column, for at least one of the fears you’ve listed, write down how you are going to face that fear. Make it tangible- give yourself an action to take and a date by which you will take that action. And follow through!

Because Of Our Empty Nature We Can Reshape Who We Are

Hello everyone and how are we doing this day my friends. It has been a crazy week and as most of you know most schools started and of course the kids the kids. I know most of us stayed home for a few days to help the wife and keep her from going crazy. I asked myself so many questions regarding the mind and how it works.

My friends I do not remember if I ever shared the fact the I actually went to Medical school for one year at the University of New Mexico in Albuquerque and well obviously I did not stick with it. It was not for me  and some people still ask me if I regret it. I can honestly say no! I have some friends that did stay with it and well their lives are not what I expected them to be.

Their lives have lots and lots of money which is shared with many people and and have family members that well do not have the best relationships. I asked some of my friends regarding how the mind works and well they only had to say I do my job the best that I possibly can and well in all reality that is all we can ask of anyone right right.

The other thing I would like to share with you is that yes I also have had my bad times in my life and had to really search for myself who I was and why I was who I was and I have to say it was a journey. Back in 1999 I actually lived with the monks in a monastery for one whole year. when I left after a year of intense studies on the mind and meditations of which changed the way I looked at my reality in this world. 

I have found that sometimes when I do speak to people in general they have a hard time understanding why I say the things that I say and at the times that I say them. Buddhism is a way of understanding life and the world from a perspective that is rarely looked upon.

This type of training emphasizes the value of investigating reality and finding the truth about the outside world as well as the contents of our minds. The main themes that are studied are rationality, empiricism, skepticism and pragmatism. I always find the best in people or I should say try to. I know and understand people to a point that sometimes it becomes scary and sometimes I wish I did not know or understand people so much because it can become overwhelming at times.

I have found that by simply talking to people I can get a great sense of their security or their insecurities and how much it has affected their adult lives by the way they talk to people and by the way they act out barriers and obstacles but it can also be funny. It is strange to see people how they act around people from different ethnic groups and how they are willing to serve or help a perfect stranger.

Rationality:  The quality or state of being agreeable to reason which most people are not.

 Empiricism: The practice of relying on observation and experiment especially in the natural sciences.

Skepticism: An attitude of doubt or a disposition to incredulity either in general or toward a particular object

a :  the doctrine that true knowledge or knowledge in a particular area is uncertain.

b :  the method of suspended judgment, systematic doubt, or criticism characteristic of skeptics.

 

Pragmatism: A reasonable and logical way of doing things or of thinking about problems that is based on dealing with specific situations instead of on ideas and theories.

 

I have to tell you that I love all of the above but my favorite is Pragmatism because it has been great in finding solutions in business for all my clients and individuals in both  life in general and in business. In business it is a great tool because if you have a clear understanding why they are not buying your services you can implement certain techniques and well figure out the issues. In life if you have a clear understanding of people then you can actually figure out the needs of people and actually help them!!

 

I will give you this to think about my friends and if you can understand this and really out some deep thought into it your life can change. In this world we are but on borrowed time and there is much pain and suffering but the great thing about our minds is that we have the power to change it.

 

 

 

Leadership Today And Yesteryear"s Leadership Is It Different Or Not Really

Every day I ask myself a few questions such as: Is what leaders need to learn today anything new? I always come up with the same answer NO!!.

You see my friends we believe that because we have not been around for hundreds of years and perhaps thousands of years that leadership is something new and the fact is that it is not anything new.

There are many names that people come up with to make it sound different but it is the same. Design Thinking sounds like such a fancy name for (Thinking outside the box). I would like you to think about this.

 Throughout my years as a problem solver, I’ve found that the most effective and life-transforming ideas aren’t found in what’s UNIQUE… but rather in what was discovered thousands of years ago.

Leaders in today's world and technology times need to guide and support in making the transition from a life that doesn't work for them to one aligned with passion, connected to purpose, filled with richness and meaning.

 Leaders have to have the expertise to transform a slacker type of  life into one that creates excitement.If a leader can do this the employees and friends or significant others will gain a profound level of clarity and useful skills they can use to help others, and they will become part of a team that can actually change the environment around them. 

 

Think about it, every day our lives are becoming more and more fast paced and hectic, we spend half of our lives glued to a screen or rushing around trying to get things done. And from the day you are born…to the day you die, life feels like a continuous rat race.

 

 Do we not design change every day in our lives because  our lives are so fast paced? Yes we do why? simple really because if we do not try new things then we will fail or die or who knows what can happen. I know a bit blunt but sometimes people need to hear what they do not want to hear but know that is the truth but afraid to face it!!

When you start to design a new way that has not been tried before and you have to go through the trial and tribulations of perhaps failing and then going back to the drawing board and starting over that is design thinking in the past it is called thinking outside the box or thinking and doing something that has not been tried before. Whether you would like to call it design thinking or thinking outside the box the result will be the same my friends.

You see whether you design a new way to sell a product or a new way to communicate a service you have to be able to lead the implementation or the execution and if you are a leader and cannot do this then you and your new idea is dead in the water. Wars have been won because of proper execution negotiations are won because of execution companies are made successful because of execution and correct implementation with the ability to get followers to follow and buy into the companies vision.

People have asked me why I like to write and I say because I enjoy helping people see what they do not see. Sometimes leaders will ask me questions like: How do I get this person who never listens do what I ask them to do? I say ask them why they do not listen to you and you will get your answer but only if you are willing to listen and learn the truth because you will get the truth only if you are willing to listen. If you are not willing to sit there and take the truth then do not ask because then you will be disappointed and frustration will get the better of you.

Design Thinking or Thinking Outside The Box -Luciano The Key Santini

Hello my friends and I would like to thank all who continue to believe in my abilities to be your service provider whether as an individual or your business. One think that I would like to start talking about is what is called Design Thinking what is design thinking?

Design thinking as a process for problem-solving

Unlike analytical thinking, design thinking is a process which includes the "building up" of ideas, with few, or no, limits on breadth during a "brainstorming" phase.^[13] This helps reduce fear of failure in the participant(s) and encourages input and participation from a wide variety of sources in the ideation phases. The phrase "thinking outside the box" has been coined to describe one goal of the brainstorming phase and is encouraged, since this can aid in the discovery of hidden elements and ambiguities in the situation and discovering potentially faulty assumptions.

One version of the design thinking process has seven stages: define, research, ideate, prototype, choose, implement, and learn.^[2] Within these seven steps, problems can be framed, the right questions can be asked, more ideas can be created, and the best answers can be chosen. The steps aren't linear; can occur simultaneously and be repeated.

 A simpler expression of the process is Robert McKim's phrase "Express–Test–Cycle".^[3] An alternative five-phase description of the process is described by Christoph Meinel and Larry Leifer: (re)defining the problem, need finding and benchmarking, ideating, building, testing.

I have to tell you that when I took this class in business school I took it to fulfill a credit and had no idea how important this would be someday in business and though it has been around for a long time. I never thought the need for it but I realized that I have been doing this for such a long time for businesses I just called thinking outside the box with the belief that for every problem there is a solution. 

The one thing that I have always believed and has embedded in my mind from one of my professors and mentors is that a leader can come up with great ideas and great programs but if that leader has no idea how to get people to buy into the new idea and then if that happens the the BIG ONE the EXECUTION must happen and that is where the problems comes in EXECUTION is where most so called leaders will fail.

This is what I see when I assist businesses: What I see is that leaders in that organization will come up with great ideas and then just push them on to other supervisors and expect them to execute and what happens here is that they will fail. Then the Leader will do what most do and that is blame the supervisor for not executing correctly. The fact is as follows which is that the leader should have been extremely clear in execution process to assist and put their supervisors for success and not failure.

The crazy thing regarding this process is that it is OK if we fail.

Your failure may prove to be an asset, provided you know why you failed.

Napoleon Hill

There are a few occasions during our brief time on earth when most of us experience great flashes of insight, great moments of truth that forever change the course of our lives. Most of those experiences result from spectacular failures, not from outstanding successes. 

It is from the failures that so chagrined and dismayed us that we learn the most lasting lessons. When you are the unwilling recipient of a great moment of truth, extract the useful lessons and then put the entire episode behind you. Learn from your failures, forget about them, and move on to better things. 

Clients-Me- You And Life- We Are Here To serve That Is It-Luciano The Key Santini

Hello and good day to all who follow me on my blog,linked in ,Twitter and Facebook and I am sure there a few more that I cannot remember as of this moment. I was thinking this morning as I was driving around to get my hot cup of fresh coffee and thought about life in general and why do things happen that are unexpected in the journey of life.

I always try to keep in mind the point of view of my readers based on their suggestions to write about things that matter. Sometimes it can be challenging but that is always welcomed by me because we are always up for any challenge that comes our way. and so I do my very best to address them.

We all know we are here but for a while in what I like to call (borrowed time) When you think about it is not up to us how long we will live but how we decide to live our lives. I love to read books and people are always asking me what am I reading? Why do they ask,well because I am always holding a book or a magazine that has something to do with either business strategies or psychology or something to do with people.

A book is something that you can read at any time and the stories will take you where ever you want to go. A good book can take you into the future or into the past. A good book can take you to places you have only dreamed of. In a book you can meet people you have always wanted to meet and learn about how they lived and perhaps serve as a mentors for you.

A book can teach you so much about life if we but read between the lines. I can tell you that sometimes authors do not always write what they mean to write and so you have to come up with your own synopsis of what something means.

 I always find it fascinating to read a book that never makes sense until I start to break it down into paragraphs and the start to put it all together a page at a time and then it becomes fun trying to figure out what it all means kind of like those old mysteries where you could make up your own ending so much fun!!!

One of the best things people can do to listen to a person or a loved one is to have interaction with them on a regular basis because this is what will create great relationships for the future and they will always remember those interactions. 

What does this have to do with business; Well I can tell you that when leaders do not have interactions with their employees the employees will go into a thought process that is negative regarding leadership because in their minds the leadership could care less of their well being or concerns.

What is the difference between information and communication?

I have found that when employees are given information they do not understand the information and thus creates a very negative feeling and makes them feel incompetent. They fear asking for more information because it might make them, look incompetent.

The fact is that when giving information to employees a leader should also give the meaning of the information and yes!! most do not do that. They keep it to themselves and that is so wrong in so many ways and yet some so called leaders think of it as power over the minions!!WOW RIGHT! YEA that is what said wrong wrong wrong!!!!!

The other great thing that I find astonishing to me personally is when a leader is asking you for information and smiling at you but their body language is very threatening. Why does this happen? It happens because the leaders do not know how to control their emotions internally. You (Leader) think that by smiling you are doing well but yet you cross your arms when you are saying it HELLO!!

Expectations is another big one. leaders will give out information and tell people what to do and that is it. WHYYYYYYY do you do that? It is because some leaders will assume that there was a clear understanding of the information and expectations NOOO you actually have to take the time to share and explain expectations and be very clear and specific uHHH let me see I am assuming there are expectation to begin with.

How about reaching out to the disengaged employees OOOOhhh that is a whole new other blog posting for next time.

I am here to serve you  I am your solutions provider

"Life Is Nothing More Than A Storyline; Write One That Will Stand The Storms Of Time" Luciano The Key Santini

Hello everyone and here we are gain on another day to write about the questions and the comments all my follower and supporters send me. Thank you to every single one of you who continue to make me your solutions provider to both your life and your business. It has been a great journey and thousands of people have stated to have benefited from the information or the motivation that I write.

Today we will talk about some of the moves or choices that great leaders will make to create great and strong teams in their organizations. When a great manager begins to understand his staff and their individual skills along with the way they perform their task only then will a great leader know how to move tasks to the right people and know how delegate correctly.

 As great leaders know you have your great employees and you have the not so great employees. The great employees will always want to do a great job and usually do if you treat them with respect. These are the employees you can trust to do completed staff work and a great job at any task given expectations and proper training. These are the employees that some leaders will check their work even though they are the best employees.

 This is a waste of time for both the great staff and their so call great leaders. Why does leadership do this you are asking? Well let me tell you why; So called leaders will do this because it gives them the feeling of importance and they are afraid to face the real problem which are usually the people who are hard to manage. This is also one of those crazy things where sometimes they the leadership may feel that their best employees are respected more than they are and so by micromanaging them it gives them a feeling of power yes yes I know pretty sad but true. 

"Life Is Nothing More Than A Storyline; Write One That Will Stand The Storms Of Time" Luciano The Key Santini

One of the greatest issues most leaders face is when they have to have those hard conversations with the performers who should be performing but do not. Leaders also know that though these non-performers do not get in anyone's face or cause any major issues they know they are not getting the results they should be getting from them, however most of the rest of the team does know this and see this and they hate you for it because as a leader you should be focusing on them and not so much on the ones that actually are getting results thus causing friction between you the (Leader) of the organization and your team!!!

The people who do not do their job correctly are great at one thing and that is staying below the radar and pretend ting to do their job and yet there are no results so a not so,

strong ( Leader) will find it so much easier to ignore the real problems because there is no real problem in their mind thus causing what I call (Under current) You know when you are swimming in the ocean and all looks great and smooth but the undercurrent will eventually take you and pull you under HELP I AM DROWNING HERE!! 

By then hopefully you get someone to here you or you are a great swimmer and survive or the sharks will eat you up and you will be heard from again and my friends in business in the real world this is no different because your non performers and your weak staff will eat you up alive and soon enough you will be terminated for the same thing nonperformance it will only be a matter of time!!!

As a (Leader) you know who your weakest links are and guess what so do the rest of the staff. You as a leader need to step to the plate and begin to address them because if not the rest of the staff will begin to address you and your incompetence to deal with the real issues in the organization and well this will only bring resentment towards you and the your team.

I have to tell you though that sometimes those who suck at their job and the world knows about including you their fearless leader. should be the one looking out for the organization and making use that there is nothing but smooth driving  forward and I know the you the key to success right!! No!! What!! Why Not! Ok Ok here it is: 

Get the right people on the bus and get the slackers the hell of the bus but do it before the bus gets rolling towards the end result because if you drive the bus with them still on it well my friends you begin the viscous circle all over again and most likely you will be gone!!! I know you know who these people are in your organization and do not kid yourself because everyone else does as well.

This guy will always be one of my greatest mentors of all time.

Willing cooperation produces enduring power, while forced cooperation ends in failure.

No civilization based upon the unjust treatment of its people has ever endured. A tyrant may force the cooperation of others for a time, but that power is never sustained. Only when people are accorded the respect they deserve do they willingly create and maintain successful organizations and societies. When you build a company or an organization based on fairness and justice for every member, you have built a power that will long endure. 

 The best way to secure the commitment and unending cooperation of others is through the simple application of the Golden Rule. It is the most successful and long-lasting management theory ever developed. When you treat others as you would like to be treated were you in their situation, you will inspire loyalty and enthusiastic cooperation. Set high standards for yourself and others, treat them well, let them do their jobs, and they will perform miracles for you.