WHAT DOES IT TAKE FOR A PERSON TO BE CALLED A GOOD LEADER NOT GREAT JUST GOOD?

WHAT DOES IT TAKE FOR A PERSON TO BE CALLED A GOOD LEADER NOT GREAT JUST GOOD?

I was asked this question in Los Angeles CA this past week during a leadership seminar which I was asked to be part of which I jumped at the opportunity because of course anytime you get an opportunity to make an impression regarding your skills and perspective it is important to share such things.

I have read many many books and have done many many hours of research on this subject and I have to tell you that it is a continuous search for the best explanation. Here are some I have read in the past;

Inspiration comes form my beautiful kids who inspire me to live every day-Luciano The Key Santini

 One thing that I believe regarding leadership is the following;

 To me definitions by their nature are pragmatic. Like a laundry list of attributes... Rather than what makes a leader worth following. My humble opinion is a leader worth following must have conviction. They must believe in the cause, program, objective... whatever. 

 They must have enough self confidence which is sometimes confused by those who do not know nor understand the difference with arrogance to surround themselves with good people and the humility to consider alternative opinions. No "yes" men. They must be able to articulate, communicate, and be personable. OK,  so add in integrity, honesty, responsibility, tenacity and vision. 

Revett Eldred- said something at a seminar that I really loved and holds so much truth regarding leadership:

  I define a leader as someone who takes people to places they wouldn't have gone on their own. In other words, someone who can somehow convince others to become followers.

I think a book called The art of war will help define a leader for you.
A leader is someone who can be admired, who listens to people, who encourages people but can steer that encouragement in the correct direction.
A leader must have belief in what they are doing and en still this belief into everyone who follows.
A leader must be transparent and let everyone it leads know the aims of the leadership and know where the organization is going.
A leader must lead my example and not by words.
A leader can have many different characteristics and a different mixture depending on what organization they are leading and where they are leading it.

A leader (in no order of importance):

1) sets the standard and accepts nothing less from himself or his subordinates.
2) must have conviction and believe in what he is doing.
3) sets his subordinates up for success.
4) is willing to admit his mistakes.
5) is a person of integrity, character and honor.
6) willing to make the hard decision.
7) can see the broad picture.
8) effectively and efficiently uses his subordinates to get the job done in the best way possible.
9) will never ask his subordinates to do something that he will not do himself.
10) knows his people, like family.

 

I have to say that these are just a few that I have read by different authors who I might have at one time or another sat with them during my research for school. I also believe that a real leader is one that does the right thing and not the thing to please someone above them. I never said nor has it ever been said in the last 2000 years that being a leader is easy ever! Being a leader is a difficult thing to do Many will make mistakes and that is OK as long as you learn from that mistake and correct it the next time..

 

By Bill Murphy Jr.

Executive editor, TheMid.com, and founder, ProGhostwriters.com 

 

 A real leader is thrilled when team members achieve great things. A mere manager is threatened. 

 

In the grand scheme of things, a mere manager doesn't have much. He or she hasn't aspired to enough in life, and has taken on a bureaucratic role. Yet that's all he or she has, and as a result, the fear of losing it can be overwhelming. Thus, when a team member outgrows her role, a manager worries first about being outshone.

A true leader, on the other hand, takes his or her team members' accomplishments as a point of pride, and recognizes that the mark of a great leader isn't creating followers--but instead developing other leaders.

A truly great leader on the other hand, could hardly care about reports , or whatever the equivalent is in his or her workplace (and probably has to work to hide his or her contempt for such bureaucratic goofiness). What matters most to him or her--it is what truly matters most their people.

 

All Learning Has A Start and A Finish And Emotions Will Always Be Present-Luciano The Key Santini

Hello and good day to all who read my blogs and writing all over the internet. I have to say that none of this would have ever been possible if not for all the great comments that inspire me to write for you every weekend. Life has a way of planning out each and every day for each one of us. I have written regarding (EI) or emotional intelligence  so what exactly is Ei well it is being aware first and foremost of who you are before you can even begin to understand someone else. I love the following quote by one of the greatest philosophers that ever lived; 

"All learning has an emotional base."
-- Plato

 Great right but do we have a clear understanding of what this means. In business my friends if you do not have a clear understanding of your business.clients and staff there is no way that you will be able to manage staff or run a business and for sure not communicate with clients. EI is the ability to be able to control, perceive and more important than all of that the ability to evaluate your own emotions and those around you.

Emotional intelligence involves our ability to understand, express, and control our emotions.  Image: Cultura/Liam Norris / Getty Images

When you begin to perceive others emotions you have to be able to read a persons non verbals signs or body language which can get sticky.

Having the ability to Understanding Emotions:

  The emotions that we perceive can have many ways of seeing what they mean. If someone is expressing angry emotions, the observer must interpret the cause of their anger and what it might mean. For example, if your boss is acting angry, it might mean that he/she is dissatisfied with your work; or it could be because he got a speeding ticket on his way to work that morning or that he's/she's been fighting with his wife. or her husband. 

Or the worst case scenario that they are in a leadership role but has no idea in relationships with people or may have a difficult time trying to understand people's emotions

If you must meddle in human relationships, try to be a peacemaker. You will find that you don’t have much competition. "Napoleon Hill"

When faced with a conflict between others, most of us are more inclined to walk away from the situation than to become involved. If we do allow ourselves to become a participant, it is usually by adopting the position of one at the expense of the other. Of course, such behavior does little to resolve the dispute and may in fact exacerbate the problem. But when you make a genuine attempt to help resolve the situation, you should not be surprised if you’re the only one. 

 

We are all complex individuals with feelings and emotions we often don’t fully understand. Sometimes the mere involvement of a disinterested party is enough to help resolve the dispute. Make sure, though, if you are the one in the middle that you don’t allow yourself to get into a position where you must choose between the desires of one person over the other. Work toward a compromise that best suits everyone’s interests. 

 

Another one which plays a huge part in business is conflict resolution. What is conflict resolution? This seems to be a big question almost everywhere I go.

 

Conflict resolution is a way for two or more parties to find a peaceful solution to a disagreement among them. The disagreement may be personal, financial, political, or emotional. When a dispute arises, often the best course of action is negotiation to resolve the disagreement. Here are a few ways to see conflict.

 

Wrong Way: An inability to compromise or see the other person’s.

side.

Correct Way: The ability to seek compromise and avoid punishing.

 

Wrong Way: An inability to recognize and respond to the things that matter to the other person.

Correct Way: The capacity to recognize and respond to the things that matter to the other person.

 

These are just two ways to see conflict and to see the issue within yourself or the inabilities and the to see or find a way to learn the abilities needed to accomplish resolution.

 

    

Leadership Do The Staus Quo or Do The Right Thing That is The Question !!! Luciano the Key Santini

Hello everyone and thank you for your continued support on my journey to a better  world by simply reading my blog posts. I do many one one  meetings with individuals who believe they have been put in positions to fail and the biggest question they ask is why. My answer is many. I believe that if you are a leader and you believe you are a leader you need to figure out on your own if you are a real leader or simply a wannabe  individual who thinks is a leader.

Before I start this conversation let me make on thing very clear. If you are a leader the you must have a very pristine and clear understanding of what leadership is:

People or most people do understand but fail miserably to keep in their minds that our personal fulfillment is closely combined

with how we help others more so then how we help ourselves. In other words sometimes we need to break the rules to make a right but most so called leaders will follow the process then to do the right thing and that is the number one fact most so called leaders fail miserably.

People are good people or at least that is what I believe everyone to be until proven otherwise. If it turns to be otherwise then I simply try to help them. What happen is that sometimes their ethical beliefs are so off that they believe it to be true and they are so wrong.

Here is what some people who are in positions of leadership but should not be in those positions will do which gives them away if you of course know what to look for.

These so called leaders will care more about a process then their people. The real sad part of this is that they need to understand that without the people who actually do the work they have nothing and when someone places a process above people well simply put!! You have failed your people. 

This but one thing to look for. You see when you fail people that have worked hard for you and then because of a process or status quo you fail them then of course people will know why you are not a leader and the truth will spread like wildfire.

The so called leaders will make promises to other to keep  and avoid the real problem and avoid any type of conflict to keep them selves from any confrontation because they are afraid to face the truth. Leadership isn’t about your how well you speak it is about what you do for others and the actions you take. Leadership might begin with a vision, but it’s delivering the vision that will ultimately determine your success as a leader.

 Sometime we believe that because we can talk the politics in a world other do not believe in or involve themselves with will make you a leader it does not; it simply shows how much a follower you are and not a leader. I believe you must be a follower to learn how to lead that is a requirement and there is nothing wrong in learning the way to become a leader but if you are at the stage of a follower you should understand that you are not a leader.

How about when you try to get results doing things the wrong way; If the only way you can solve issues is through manipulation or lying to people you’re not a leader. The ends don’t justify the means. If you abuse your influence through your position and do not treat employees like people with respect then you are not a leader. One of the biggest mistakes people make is to confuse manipulation with leadership, you may come out on top a few times but at the end you will loose many good people and you will not be trusted and no one will believe in you anymore thus for not a leader. Manipulation over ethics never ends well.

I believe that rules are put in place with in every organization but sometimes the rules are wrong and if you are a leader you need to be able to recognize them and be able to break them. Leadership must be understood it is simply knowing the need for change and being able to deliver execution

Fear, Manipulation,Comfort Zones And The Mind--Luciano The Key Santini

Hello and how are we doing this weekend? This past week has been a great week because I have been able to learn so much more regarding my intellect and the reason I say this is because I have found that if you but make up your mind to learn anything you can learn it pretty quickly. I have known this for a very long time but a\sometimes though we might know something for a long time we will forget and then suddenly you have an AHA moment and though not new you feel great and this past week was one of those weeks.

I always tell people that we fall into a comfort zone and when we do that we become stifled if you will and we get stuck on a routine which can be bad for you and your mind.People who know me always ask me what I am reading or writing about because they always see me with a book at my favorite coffee shop or with a writing pad.

Let us talk a bit about fear and how much damage fear can do to an individual and to the mind. Fear is an indispensable part in the human mind. We can try to dispense it but that would be dangerous depending on the form or situation. Did you know that even a fearless man in the most modest city street would be dead before the day is over if the phrase be taken literally. Fear can also be a powerful motivator for the human mind again depending on the situation. 

When we think about fear throughout all industries some grow from fear of penury ( Extreme poverty scarcity or destruction) Many discoveries in the medical field for the fear of diseases. There is also all the fear abnormalities such as hysteria,phobias and there are many out there in the world. There is also obsessive anxieties and believe me when i tell you that all of the above can tear a persons life to pieces, I have seen it so many times while being an executive coach for CEOS and management teams.

There is a few facts that we as human beings need to understand about fear. The one big fact is that human seek stimulus in hazardous situations and strange as that sounds it is in us. Believe it or not know that danger is an individuals love because sometimes that is where we find motivation deep inside us Think about this when we as individuals are not challenged we go out and seek that challenge that will make fell needed whether in our jobs in our daily routines and when we do not then we should realize that  we have become  conformed and when get to this point we need to look for things to stimulate the mind within us to keep us feeling alive.

One of my favorite things to do with people I meet is this. I watch to see what they are cynical about and I get to find out what makes them tick! and what makes them move or not move in life. We all have the power to turn a negative into a positive if but choose to change the mind. So many times when we try to help someone else we fail and the reason for this is because most of the time the solutions we come up with has no relation to the situation or issue.

If this happens there are so many elements to all of this such as knowing and understanding the issue. The real revelation here can be that something so simple as giving direction to someone could be an endemic obstacle to either a business or an individual.

Your real courage shows best in the hour of adversity.

Some setbacks are so severe that to give in to them means losing the whole ball game. When he assumed command of the Korean War, Gen. Matthew Ridgeway found his forces pushed far to the south, hard pressed by the invaders. Only a determined decision to hold the lines allowed the American forces to keep from being swept into the sea and to eventually regain all the territory they had lost. When a defeat strikes, you may not have the time to withdraw and contemplate your mistakes without risking further setbacks. Don’t succumb to paralysis.

 

 It is important to know at that moment what it is you truly desire and to act to preserve your resources and your hope. If you crumble utterly, you will take a blow to your self-esteem that will be hard to repair. Instead, stick to your principles, and you will know, at the very least, that you have protected the most important thing you have. Your successes in life will far outnumber your failures.

Have you ever felt manipulated in the workplace common now be honest!! We all have at one point or another, here are some tips to see them coming your way;

 

A skilled workplace manipulator is usually an expert at smiling. Through artful, indirect and devious methods, he/she influences and controls others. Like a clever politician, a manipulative workplace bully keeps his/her desires hidden. They will always make you feel good but take credit for something they did not do behind your back or closed doors.

Pretending to pursue the greater good, he/she adopts the mantra of “company first” with a fervency that inspires admiration and respect, and most people accept his/her claims of selfless pursuit of noble causes.

But underneath his/her self-righteous image lies the essence of a manipulator: someone who shrewdly and deviously attempts to control how you feel, think and behave.

Be aware my friends but learn to see it coming and do not be afraid. 

 

To Know What You Do Not Know And Admitted Is Key To Business And Life-Luciano The Key Santini

Good morning everyone and how is everyone doing this wonderful day. Thank you to all who follow me and continue to inspire me to write for you and for all the great comments and suggestions. Know what you do not know and admitted that you need help understanding a concept or a task will give you more credibility then doing a task and not know what you are doing and never asking for clarity.

Here I am facilitating a great seminar on Leadership

People who will try to stay up with a knowledge based person but who will never admit to their incompetence. I find this sometimes to actually hinder a business person because this does not mean that the person is stupid it simply means this person does not know or understand. The person however will be considered stupid when they do not admit that they need help to understand what they do not understand in the first place.

Incompetence

Sam Ashe-Edmunds has been writing and lecturing for decades. He has worked in the corporate and nonprofit arenas as a C-Suite executive, serving on several nonprofit boards

Incompetence means different things to different people, but generally it denotes the inability to do a job to a satisfactory standard. If an employee completes a task on time, without errors and the way he was asked to do the work, the employee is considered competent. If the final product goes beyond what was asked of the employee, the employee is more than competent.

 Indicators of incompetence include work being submitted late, over budget, with errors or requiring considerable help from others. There is always the other side to this story and that is  that sometimes the person who asks someone to do or complete a task either does not know how to do the task themselves or they gave the wrong instructions to begin with. This happens more then the professional world wants to believe.

Poor Communication

Just because you give someone instructions doesn’t mean you’ve done your job. A competent employee asks coworkers or clients if they received the message, if they understand it and if they can meet the request. Waiting until deadline to learn that a project won’t be delivered is another form of incompetence -- you should check in with key stakeholders during the course of a project to evaluate its status. If you are not able to properly and clearly communicate your thoughts or your superiors’ instructions to others, leading to problems at work, you are not competent to work with others, no matter how good your intentions.

How often does this happen when your boss tells to do a task and then you have no idea how or what to do? This also happens all the time I see this on a daily basis with organizations and well it is funny to see but not funny on the consequences for the unfortunate people who receive the tasks but no real direction from those who have given the task.

It is a reality that most organizations know is happening but tend to ignore due to lack of communication skills or lack of having skills to resolve any kind of conflict.

Employee engagement
Here is another huge issue in all organizations large or small non profit or for profit. This issue is across the board through out the world. Employee engagement doe snot happen by OSMOSIS, believe when I tell you it does not happen by OSMOSIS it really does not!! I hope I made that very very clear because some leaders!! believe it does and yes it makes me laugh to see this take place in front of my eyes and then I ask did they understand what you just said and the reaction is of course they did they have been here for a long time.

Then I ask another question: Do you know what you just asked them to do? The answer is yes of course. I then ask for an explanation and of course this where it starts to get clear to me that NO!! they did not know what they asked they only knew what it meant and how it should take place theoretically and that is where the problem lies in most organizations.

Most (Leaders)  theory works in the real world and guess what?
THEORY:

  THEORY (noun)
  The noun THEORY has 3 senses: 1. a well-substantiated explanation of some aspect of the natural world; an organized system of accepted knowledge that applies in a variety of circumstances to explain a specific set of phenomena- I like this one but never the less it is accepted knowledge and the key word here is variety
2. a tentative theory about the natural world; a concept that is not yet verified but that if true would explain certain facts or phenomena- This one well I believe it is self explanatory.
3. a belief that can guide behavior- Key word here is guide!!

Josh Bersin

Contributor

Creating a high performance work environment is a complex problem. We have to communicate a mission and values, train managers and leaders to live these values, and then carefully select the right people who fit. And once people join, we have to continuously improve, redesign, and tweak the work environment to make it modern, humane, and enjoyable.
And despite the simple models engagement vendors use, the reasons for low engagement and turnover are varied.

• Some companies are going through transition and the leadership and management hasn’t re-engaged people.
• In others the workload is too high and the performance management process is flawed.
• Others have a lack of investment in development and talent mobility, making it difficult for high performers to advance.
• Some have a non-inclusive culture (perhaps as a result of history) and cannot attract and retain today’s more diverse workforce.
• Others just have old fashioned working conditions that simply make work difficult.

Our research shows that building a highly engaged workforce takes combination of many things, each impacting people in different ways. And with the influx of younger workers and the proliferation of technology at work, the whole environment has to be more flexible and transparent.

Serving Those Who Served And Making The World A Better Place-Luciano The Key Santini

Good morning everyone and how are we doing this beautiful day? Well where do I start of yes of course LOL I would like to say thank you to all my followers and readers who continue to endorse me and refer me to other businesses. I have to say to all who have been part of my life thank you and thank you and thank you and many many more thank you's. I have to say that without your trust we would never have created the great relationships we have today.

To show how important it is to create relationships in your community and what it means to the community and all the people that live in it.

The Great Veterans Academy Created by Luciano The Key Santini and Jean Nicolas

This academy was created with the community in mind and the people that live in it but it would not have been a success without the the support of our upper management in the Employment Development Department who allowed us to pilot it in the local area and all the Partners who came together for the community and the people who live in it especially the veteran community.

 The Santa Maria Chamber of Commerce,Hancock College just to name a few and so many more and so many peers who came together as well. This was a way to show that yes one idea can change a community and give back to as many who have given so much for us to live in a free country thank you to all our veterans around  this beautiful country.

I believe that we can all change the world we live in if we but choose to do so;

Gandhi’s Top 10 Fundamentals for Changing the World

by Henrik Edberg

“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”

“The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world’s problem.”

“If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.”

Mahatma Gandhi needs no long introduction. Everyone knows about the man who lead the Indian people to independence from British rule in 1947.

So let’s just move on to some of my favourite tips from Mahatma Gandhi.

1. Change yourself.

“You must be the change you want to see in the world.”

“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world – that is the myth of the atomic age – as in being able to remake ourselves.”

If you change yourself you will change your world. If you change how you think then you will change how you feel and what actions you take. And so the world around you will change. Not only because you are now viewing your environment through new lenses of thoughts and emotions but also because the change within can allow you to take action in ways you wouldn’t have – or maybe even have thought about – while stuck in your old thought patterns.

And the problem with changing your outer world without changing yourself is that you will still be you when you reach that change you have strived for. You will still have your flaws, anger, negativity, self-sabotaging tendencies etc. intact.

And so in this new situation you will still not find what you hoped for since your mind is still seeping with that negative stuff. And if you get more without having some insight into and distance from your ego it may grow more powerful. Since your ego loves to divide things, to find enemies and to create separation it may start to try to create even more problems and conflicts in your life and world.

2. You are in control.

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”

What you feel and how you react to something is always up to you. There may be a “normal” or a common way to react to different things. But that’s mostly just all it is.

You can choose your own thoughts, reactions and emotions to pretty much everything. You don’t have to freak out, overreact of even react in a negative way. Perhaps not every time or instantly. Sometimes a knee-jerk reaction just goes off. Or an old thought habit kicks in.

And as you realize that no-one outside of yourself can actually control how you feel you can start to incorporate this thinking into your daily life and develop it as a thought habit. A habit that you can grow stronger and stronger over time. Doing this makes life a whole lot easier and more pleasurable.

3. Forgive and let it go.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

“An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.”

Fighting evil with evil won’t help anyone. And as said in the previous tip, you always choose how to react to something. When you can incorporate such a thought habit more and more into your life then you can react in a way that is more useful to you and others.

You realize that forgiving and letting go of the past will do you and the people in your world a great service. And spending your time in some negative memory won’t help you after you have learned the lessons you can learn from that experience. You’ll probably just cause yourself more suffering and paralyze yourself from taking action in this present moment.

If you don’t forgive then you let the past and another person to control how you feel. By forgiving you release yourself from those bonds. And then you can focus totally on, for instance, the next point.

4. Without action you aren’t going anywhere.

“An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.”

Without taking action very little will be done. However, taking action can be hard and difficult. There can be much inner resistance.

And so you may resort to preaching, as Gandhi says. Or reading and studying endlessly. And feeling like you are moving forward. But getting little or no practical results in real life.

So, to really get where you want to go and to really understand yourself and your world you need to practice. Books can mostly just bring you knowledge. You have to take action and translate that knowledge into results and understanding.

5. Take care of this moment.

“I do not want to foresee the future. I am concerned with taking care of the present. God has given me no control over the moment following.”

The best way that I have found to overcome the inner resistance that often stops us from taking action is to stay in the present as much as possible and to be accepting.

Why? Well, when you are in the present moment you don’t worry about the next moment that you can’t control anyway. And the resistance to action that comes from you imagining negative future consequences – or reflecting on past failures – of your actions loses its power. And so it becomes easier to both take action and to keep your focus on this moment and perform better.

 And remember that reconnecting with and staying in the now is a mental habit – a sort of muscle – that you grow. Over time it becomes more powerful and makes it easier to slip into the present moment.

6. Everyone is human.

“I claim to be a simple individual liable to err like any other fellow mortal. I own, however, that I have humility enough to confess my errors and to retrace my steps.”

“It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.”

When you start to make myths out of people – even though they may have produced extraordinary results – you run the risk of becoming disconnected from them. You can start to feel like you could never achieve similar things that they did because they are so very different. So it’s important to keep in mind that everyone is just a human being no matter who they are.

And I think it’s important to remember that we are all human and prone to make mistakes. Holding people to unreasonable standards will only create more unnecessary conflicts in your world and negativity within you.

It’s also important to remember this to avoid falling into the pretty useless habit of beating yourself up over mistakes that you have made. And instead be able to see with clarity where you went wrong and what you can learn from your mistake. And then try again.

7. Persist.

“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”

Be persistent. In time the opposition around you will fade and fall away. And your inner resistance and self-sabotaging tendencies that want to hold you back and keep you like you have always been will grow weaker.

Find what you really like to do. Then you’ll find the inner motivation to keep going, going and going. You can also find a lot of useful tips on how keep your motivation up in 

One reason Gandhi was so successful with his method of non-violence was because he and his followers were so persistent. They just didn’t give up.

Success or victory will seldom come as quickly as you would have liked it to. I think one of the reasons people don’t get what they want is simply because they give up too soon. The time they think an achievement will require isn’t the same amount of time it usually takes to achieve that goal. This faulty belief partly comes from the world we live in. A world full of magic pill solutions where advertising continually promises us that we can lose a lot of weight or earn a ton of money in just 30 days.

Finally, one useful tip to keep your persistence going is to listen to Gandhi’s third quote in this article and keep a sense of humor. It can lighten things up at the toughest of times.

8. See the good in people and help them.

“I look only to the good qualities of men. Not being faultless myself, I won’t presume to probe into the faults of others.”

“Man becomes great exactly in the degree in which he works for the welfare of his fellow-men.”

“I suppose leadership at one time meant muscles; but today it means getting along with people.”

There is pretty much always something good in people. And things that may not be so good. But you can choose what things to focus on. And if you want improvement then focusing on the good in people is a useful choice. It also makes life easier for you as your world and relationships become more pleasant and positive.

And when you see the good in people it becomes easier to motivate yourself to be of service to them. By being of service to other people, by giving them value you not only make their lives better. Over time you tend to get what you give. And the people you help may feel more inclined to help other people. And so you, together, create an upward spiral of positive change that grows and becomes stronger.

By strengthening your social skills you can become a more influential person and make this upward spiral even stronger. A few articles that may provide you with useful advice in that department are  Or you can just move on to the next tip.

9. Be congruent, be authentic, be your true self.

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”

“Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well.”

I think that one of the best tips for improving your social skills is to behave in a congruent manner and communicate in an authentic way. People seem to really like authentic communication. And there is much inner enjoyment to be found when your thoughts, words and actions are aligned.

When words and thoughts are aligned then that shows through in your communication. Because now you have your voice tonality and body language – some say they are over 90 percent of communication – in alignment with your words.

With these channels in alignment people tend to really listen to what you’re saying. You are communicating without in congruency, mixed messages or perhaps a sort of phoniness.

Also, if your actions aren’t in alignment with what you’re communicating then you start to hurt your own belief in what you can do. And other people’s belief in you too.

10. Continue to grow and evolve.

”Constant development is the law of life, and a man who always tries to maintain his dogmas in order to appear consistent drives himself into a false position.”

You can pretty much always improve your skills, habits or re-evaluate your evaluations. You can gain deeper understanding of yourself and the world.

Sure, you may look inconsistent or like you don’t know what you are doing from time to time. You may have trouble to act congruently or to communicate authentically. But if you don’t then you will, as Gandhi says, drive yourself into a false position. A place where you try to uphold or cling to your old views to appear consistent while you realize within that something is wrong. It’s not a fun place to be. To choose to grow and evolve is a happier and more useful path to take.